November Rain
by WhitlocksAngelGirl
Summary: Bella and Edward have been friends since Kindergarten. They've dated for years, but secrets and un-kept promises threaten to destroy Bella. For she is in love with Edward's older brother. *Warning Contains Character Death* Full Summary inside. AU AH JxB
1. Prologue

November Rain by WhitlocksAngel

Summary: Bella and Edward have been friends since Kindergarten. They've dated for years, but secrets and un-kept promises threaten to destroy Bella. For she is in love with Edward's older brother. She wants to do the right thing, but will sacrificing her happiness be for the best? Everyone has their flaws but will they make the right decisions?

*Warning Character Death*

BxE and BxJ, if you don't like, no one is forcing you to read. Rated M for a reason.

**A/N: Hey guys. This is my first story on here. Please try to be kind. I got the idea when I was in the car with my husband. Hope you enjoy**

**Prologue**

Today was the day, the day everything would change. The day I would become Mrs. Edward Cullen. I sat at the vanity while my mother and my two best friends primped over me and now I looked like this! My chestnut hair hung long in perfect ringlets, my brown eyes stood out against the contrast to the light makeup that had been applied. My long white veil hung with perfect intricate precision. Thanks to my mother.

My gown was sheer white with a V-neck of beaded glory. It was the most beautiful dress I'd ever seen. I knew it was the one…

The one…

This is where I was at an impasse.

I couldn't hide the sudden crushing pain that gripped my heart. Tears threatened to spill ruining all the hard work that had been done to me.

So I sat with a heavy heart knowing that I wasn't marrying for love. I was marrying Edward because it was the right thing to do. Edward had been my very best friend since Kindergarten. The one who would tell me it would all be alright. Although we didn't start dating until sophomore year… We'd been together ever since.

Why was this so hard? Why was I in love with his best man? It was so wrong, but usually in matters of the heart… Nothing is easy. Everything in my life had always been complicated.

"Lord let this be the right thing. I place my fate in your hands now." I whispered…


	2. Chapter 1: Going Home

**Chapter 1: Going home.**

I stood in the center of my room filled with boxes, a piece of tape stuck on my left cheek, breathing heavily.

"Almost ready, love?" Edward's melodic voice sounded with amusement.

I rounded on him with a small pout, "I can't do it all by myself!" I whined.

He chuckled shaking his head, "I'll help." He assured me, leaning forward to pull the tape from my face.

The rest of the day we spent moving all the boxes from our respected rooms from the single family home we had rented to the moving truck.

We had decided to both go to the University of Washington at the Seattle campus. It was just above a 3 and half hour trek to Forks.

We were close enough to placate my parents, and just far enough away to not have to go and visit often.

It wasn't that Charlie and Renee were bad parents, but it felt like I was the parent most of the time. Scatterbrained Renee… She was my best friend. But she somehow kept her childlike wonder and outlook on the world. Charlie, was well… He was the Chief of Police and bit overprotective.

My mom left Charlie when I was barely a year old. We lived in Riverside, California. But my mom wasn't making enough as a Substitute teacher. When I was five we returned to Forks. Renee had explained it was so I could have a real relationship with Charlie.

I don't think they ever stopped loving one another. So when I was 8 they remarried. They've been lovey-dovey ever since.

Charlie also became more protective and overbearing. He'd lost me once and was determined not to lose me again. Thus choosing WU.

After they married we moved to a slightly larger home than the one I grew up in. It was a three bedroom two bath ranch style home. It has an open kitchen that flows to the living room which works great for them.

Although Renee and her experimental foods can be a bit much. Whenever I'm home I assume all kitchen responsibilities…

"Penny for your thoughts?" Edward asked wearing his trademark crooked smile.

I smiled warmly replying, "Thinking about mom and dad."

"Ah… Charlie and Renee… Can't live with them… Couldn't pay me enough to try." He finished making a face.

"They aren't that bad." I defended halfheartedly.

"Of course not." He pursed his lips and in a mocking tone, "Charlie darling… Have fun fishing. I love you… Ohh Renee you know I will and I love you too Sugar Muffin."

I laughed out loud clutching my side at his flawless impersonation.

He grabbed me around the waist pulling me to him so our bodies were melded together. He kissed the top of my head.

"You know… We're quite the pair ourselves." I joked.

"Not nearly as bad." He chuckled.

I looked into his sparkling green eyes amazed. I never knew what Edward saw in me. He was gorgeous with his bronze hair sticking up every which way. His eyes and the perfection that was him…

Edward and I were in an off again on again relationship. He'd been my very best friend since my first day of Kindergarten. We didn't really take our relationship to the next level until our sophomore year of high school. We'd both dated other people our freshman year. He dated Jessica Stanley, and I regretfully dated Mike Newton… But he broke up with me, because I refused to stop being friends with Edward.

That was the year Edward's adoptive brother took me to his Junior Prom. Jasper Whitlock… A real southern gentleman. We had a whirlwind summer fling… I don't really remember why it ended, but Edward was there to pick up the pieces. We'd been on again off again ever since. We would take periodic breaks when it was either getting to serious for me, or when I was being too pushy.

Even though Edward knew I wasn't a virgin anymore, he was hell bent on waiting for marriage. He could only turn me down so many times. He left me so hot and cold sometimes… But I couldn't deny how deep my feelings were for him. I did love him.

"Alright love, we're all packed. Ready to head home?" He asked me with a small smile.

"Ready as I'll ever be." I chuckled.

Five years of college later I was ready to start my journey as a Kindergarten Teacher. The first couple years I just took remedial classes until I could figure out what I wanted to be. Edward was almost done with Med School. He would be starting as an intern under the wing of his father.

"Tomorrow you're coming home with me for a family dinner." Edward announced.

I cocked an eyebrow, "Why?"

"Mom and Dad have missed you. And besides Jasper's back in town… To stay I think." He said with a smile.

My heart sank… Jasper. I hadn't seen him in a little over five years and my world felt like it was on the verge of shattering. I loved Jasper.

I was in second grade when Esme and Carlisle adopted him. He came from a broken home in Texas. He was nine and in the 4th grade….

"_Hello ma'am." A small southern voice greeted._

_I turned to see a boy with honey colored hair and deep piercing blue eyes. _

"_Hi." I replied shyly, ducking my head to hide my blush._

"_You're very pretty. Tell me you name?"_

"_I'm…"_

"_Oh hey Jaz." Edward cut me off, "This is my best friend Isabella. But she likes Bella best. Bells this is my new brother Jasper."_

_I smiled, "Hi Jasper."_

"_Bella…"_

Even at such a young age I knew there was something about him. Something that drew me to him so completely. If only things hadn't gotten so complicated. He didn't want us to be official when we dated. Edward thought me going to prom with him was as a friend… Understatement of the year!

The ride in Edward's Volvo was dull. I followed behind him, he was in the moving van.

My phone rang and I answered it via my blue tooth.

"Hello?"

"Did you leave already?" The pouty voice of my best gal pal's voice rang like bells.

"Yeah, but you're coming to Forks right?" I asked.

"I am. But not for a couple weeks." She whined.

"Oh Alice. It'll be fine. When you get here we'll plan a shopping trip." I relented.

"Yay! I can't wait to meet the infamous Rosalie." She giggled.

"You two will get along great." I promised.

"Alright. Call me soon!"

"I will Ali. Bye."

I hung up smiling to myself. Mary Alice Brandon. She was an odd creature to behold. She was tiny but more fierce than even the scariest lion. Her short black cropped hair and dazzling blue eyes made her alluring. Her skin reminded me of porcelain. She was gorgeous and the one person I could talk to about anything.

Rosalie had wispy blonde hair and hazel eyes. She had a killer body, and was a real bitch unless you were close to her. She and I had our issues growing up. We got really close in junior high and she'd been my wingman ever since. We were partners in crime. She knew everything. She knew my conflicting feelings between Edward and Jasper. She was always pushing me to stay with Edward. Saying we'd been together too long, and put too much into the relationship to call it quits now. I agreed with her, until I saw Jasper. He was the only man who could send my heart into overdrive with a simple smile or anything to show that he acknowledged me.

I was completely content with Edward, but my heart strings felt connected to Jasper. It was always weird and awkward whenever we were all three in the room. It was like fighting against my very being to stay beside Edward. When all I wanted to do was grip Jasper by his honey locks and pull his mouth on mine.

I was lost in thought when I realized we'd just passed the welcome for Forks sign. 'Not long now.' I thought to myself.

We pulled up in front of my parents home and I got out of Edward's Volvo stretching my legs.

Edward strode over to me and enveloped me in to a warm hug, "I missed you."

"It was only a three hour drive." I giggled, not meeting his gaze. Last thing I wanted him to see was how conflicted I felt inside.

"I know, but I didn't like being so close… But so far." he grinned.

I playfully smacked his arm and we walked hand in hand to the front porch.

I noticed Charlie's cruiser in the driveway, this ought to be interesting.

Before I could get to the door it swung open and Renee came flying out. Next thing I knew I was tangled in her arms.

"Mom." I laughed pushing her lightly, "Can't breathe."

"I missed you so much Bella. I hated only seeing you on holidays!" She frowned.

"Well I'm here to stay mom," I assured her. "I have a job secured as the new Kindergarten teacher."

"I'm so proud of you honey." She smiled through tears still holding onto me.

She turned her head to the side and surveyed Edward. She smiled warmly ruffling his hair.

"We missed you too dear."

He chuckled. "Thanks Renee."

We made our way through the front door into the large living room. Charlie was standing beside his comfy arm chair with a smile and twinkling brown eyes.

"Bells."

I rushed over and hugged him tightly, "Hey dad."

He kissed the top of my head and looked over at Edward.

"Son. I see you've taken good care of Bells. She looks happy." He spoke extending his hand.

Edward shook my fathers hand and beamed.

It was uncomfortable for only a moment when Edward announced he would be bringing in my things.

I only had a few small boxes in the moving truck and Edward carried them with ease to my room.

The room I'd had most of my life. Since all the rooms were big my parents gave me the master bedroom. So I would have my own bath right inside my room. Very convenient.

I had a queen sized bed and two small night stands. At the end of the room my desk. I sighed loudly and turned to Edward.

"Home again." I frowned.

"Don't worry Bells. We'll figure something out. Maybe we could get our own place." He smiled.

"Edward…"

"Just think about it. Okay?"

"Alright." I relented smiling at him.

"I have to go home. But I'll pick you up tomorrow." Edward announced.

"Alright." I conceded hugging him.

"I love you." He murmured into my hair.

"Me too." I smiled.

Watching him leave my nerve endings were tingling in anticipation of seeing Jasper. I was so worried. But so excited.

I should be able to love Edward. Really love him the way he deserved. But my heart was still taken, no matter what I did…

**A/N I know the first couple chapters a small and kind of not very fast paced but I promise it'll get better! Let me know what you think! Feedback is always appreciated.**


	3. Chapter 2: Facing Demons

**Chapter 2 Facing Demons**

After Edward was gone I decided to go through my boxes and begin unpacking. The first box was all of my favorite books. My Jane Austin compellation, Wuthering Heights, Jane Eyre.

I took them over to my small book case and placed them back in their original spots. The next task was unpacking my clothes, but I didn't feel like it. I walked over to my dresser and pulled out an old t-shirt and a pair of boxer shorts. I walked through my bedroom into the master bath.

Nothing in the house compared to this room. It was my sanctuary. I did my best thinking here. My best crying. All the hard decisions. All made here. It was beautifully tiled with granite counter tops. The sink wasn't special, but it had a separate shower that was glass encased and huge for me. Then the jetted tub.

I rummaged under the sink and pulled out a jar of lavender bath salts. I got the tub ready and returned to my room for my blue tooth.

Once it was securely in place I turned off the faucet and sank down into the heavenly warmth of a bath. It had been far too long, considering the home in Seattle had just a stand up shower with no, tub.

Once I was comfortable I pressed the on button to my headset and spoke clearly.

"Call Rosalie Hale."

After 2 short rings I was rewarded, "Bella! Are you home?"

"Yes, I'm actually in the bathtub." I laughed.

"Naughty girl." Rose chuckled, "So tell me what's wrong."

I felt the smile slide off my face, leave it to Rose to go right for the kill.

"I'm having dinner at Edward's tomorrow." I said slowly.

"Ok… I'm not seeing the big deal." Rose replied sounding annoyed.

"Jasper's home."

Those two simple words and her silence confirmed things for me.

"Oh Bells. Honey what are you gonna do?" She asked sympathetically.

"I don't know Rose. I haven't seen him in five years. And in those five years I've been dating his brother... Well almost 8 years actually." I explained honestly.

"Alright babe. You need to confront your ghosts and demons head on. I think you need to talk to Edward about…"

"I can't do that Rose. It'd kill him. I… I mean I love Edward in his own way. When it's just him and I… It's perfect." I smiled sadly idly slipping my hands through the warm water.

"Then you see Jasper… I know babe. I've known you a really long time. You can't continue to hide from this though."

"I know Rose. You're right… What should I do about tomorrow?" I asked pleadingly.

"Be yourself Bella. Carlisle and Esme love you as though you're one of they're own. You know how Edward feels. Jasper is the wild card. Be polite and open. But don't let him back in Bells. It nearly killed you last time." She begged.

"Alright Rosie. Well I'm gonna get out of the tub and try to get some sleep."

"Ok Bells. Call me tomorrow. I'll be waiting for an update."

"Okay. Love yah Rosie."

"love you too."

I sighed in frustration as I let the water drain out of the tub before standing up. Why was everything so complicated. Things were fine in Seattle when it was just Edward and I. Now… Back home with our families…

I got dressed carefully and went to the medicine cabinet. It was not something I made a habit of doing, but I knew there was no way I was going to get sleep tonight. So I intentionally took a couple benadryls to help me get there.

I tuned all the lights off and climbed carefully into my bed. Pulling the covers up. I lay there thinking until my eyes began to droop and sleep took me.

"_I'm going to be a senior this year Bella." Jasper's voice was tense and angry._

"_So did prom mean nothing to you?" I asked quietly as angry tears rolled down my cheeks._

"_Bella. We had some fun Darlin. You're a great kisser. But… Well you know Edward likes yah… It's just not…"_

"_You're ashamed of me." I said, it wasn't a question._

"_Bella." he pleaded._

"_Answer me Jasper. Are you ashamed of me? Of us? Is that why you won't tell anyone we're dating?"_

_I watched his face as he looked at me. His eyes were hard and his jaw was set._

"_We aren't dating."_

_Those three words broke me. Had the whole summer meant nothing to him? He'd been my everything. I'd confided things to him I'd never told anyone._

"_That changes things." I murmured softly, my eyes on the ground._

_Things were silent for a long moment._

"_There's something I need to tell you Bella…" He said almost urgently._

_I couldn't find the strength to look at him, "You've said enough. Goodbye Jasper."_

I woke with a start shaking my head of unpleasant memories. That had been the last time I was ever alone with Jasper. After his senior year he went off to college and had only been home on holidays. This is why I was so nervous.

I got up stretching and went about my morning routine and dressed in a light blue button up blouse and black slack. I descended the stairs and made my way to the kitchen.

"Morning Bells." Mom called holding a glass of coffee.

"Hey mom." I smiled.

"When do you start teaching?" she asked.

"In about 3 weeks." I told her proudly.

"Want some breakfast?" She asked with a knowing smile.

"I was thinking pancakes. Want some?" I asked playfully.

"It would be nice." She laughed airily.

I whipped up a huge stack of pancakes and I could hear Charlie practically barreling down the stairs.

"Bells… you cooking?" he called.

"Yeah Dad. Pancakes." I chuckled motioning to the huge stack I'd completed.

He grabbed a plate piling them high, "Darling do you need six pancakes?" Renee asked condescendingly.

"Well baby. With the way you cook… Yes." He smiled half jokingly.

"Alright enough you too." I giggled, oh the irony of acting the parental figure.

"What are your plans today Bells?" Charlie asked between mouthfuls of fluffy goodness.

"Edward's picking me up at some point. We're going to see his family." I said nonchalantly.

"Jasper's in town." My mom observed watching for my reaction.

I took a deep breath, "I know mom. I'm ok."

Charlie was oblivious when it came to boys. My mom however was quite perceptive even if she pretended not to be. She knew more about my summer fling with Jasper than she led on, but she'd kept quiet. She helped me get over him…

The look on her face was one of caution. Warning me to be safe.

"I will mom." I said earnestly, answering her unanswered question.

She smiled just as the doorbell sounded, she scurried off to open the door and when she returned Edward was on her heels.

"You're early." I commented.

"I figured you'd be making breakfast." he chuckled grabbing a plate, "I've become spoiled and accustomed to your meals." he teased.

"Well son, you sure are lucky." My dad spoke up with his mouthful.

Edward's shocked face expressed amusement and disgust.

"Dad… You should really chew with your mouth closed." I groaned.

He finished his bite a gave me a soft glare, "Sorry Bells. But it's been so long I've forgotten what real food tastes like."

As soon as the words left his mouth his face became lined with fright, "Charles Swan… If you're talking bad about my cooking."

My mom was threatening holding a wooden spoon.

"No, dear." He responded almost glumly.

Edward and I exchanged glances and stood at the same time.

"Well on that note we're off. I'll be home tonight. Love you guys." I called as Edward dragged me towards the door.

Once outside we were both laughing.

"They're so much like kids!" I complained.

"Yeah, well at least you'll have practice." He grinned.

"Practice?"

"For when we have our own…" He nearly whispered.

I smiled softly and kissed his lips, "So what are we doing?"

He thought for a moment while I congratulated myself on successfully changing the subject.

"I thought I'd take you to my place." He said slowly.

"I've been there a million times." I laughed.

"no, the place mom and dad bought for me." He grinned.

"You. You have your own house?!" I exclaimed with pure excitement.

"Well mine and Jasper's."

I'm sure the color drained from my face as I struggled internally to compose myself.

"You and… J..Jasper?"

"Yeah. He's going to be the new History teacher at Forks high." Edward smiled animatedly.

"oh."

"Don't worry Bells. He'll be with my parents all day. We'll be all alone until we head there for dinner." He assured me.

I felt bad for my reaction, I'd known Edward had missed his brother. He had no, reason to feel animosity towards him because he didn't know…

I climbed into the passenger seat of his shiny silver Volvo and we were off. We pulled up in front of a large home and I felt like my jaw hit the floor.

"This is the place your mom bought you?" I asked in awe.

"Yep. It's a 4 bedroom 4 ½ baths, den, library, study, great room, living room, formal dining room. It's about 3600 square feet." He rattled proudly.

"Why a four bedroom?" I asked not taking my eyes from the beautiful home before me.

"You'll see." He promised.

It was a beautiful 2 story with light green vinyl siding with grey brick. We walked through the double oak doors and Edward gave me the tour. We entered the foyer and it was gorgeous with rich cherry hardwood floors. The first thing you notice is the vaulted ceilings and the grand staircase. He led me to the left past a hall closet and into the small laundry room. That had a linen closet and led into the 3 ½ car garage. The only thing inside was a Ducati. Jasper's… Back to the right of the foyer was Jasper's office. Following the long hall it opened to the Great Room. It was beautifully furnished with a large cream color sofa, love seat, and two recliners surrounding a massive flat screen. It was open to the Chef's eat in kitchen and I fell in love.

The dark granite countertops with the white tile back splash was so contrasting and perfect with the stainless steel appliances. It had and island and bar and walk in pantry. The double oven was one of my favorite features, and there was a half bath off the pantry. Right off the kitchen was a sunroom looking out over the vast lush forest. Edward pointed out the first floor had a master that belonged to Jasper. We took the great room to the basement and I was in awe…

"Are there hardwoods throughout?" I asked.

"Yes, love. You like?" He smirked.

I nodded emphatically.

The basement opened into a rec. room complete with foosball and a pool table. Which was open into the family room, although the same furniture and set up it was all in black. The formal dining room was attached. In the back was another larger laundry room and Edward's study. His bedroom was gorgeous and masculine. His bed was in the center with a large black cushioned head board. The colors were all dark and almost depressing. It was equip with two walk in closets and an attached bath. It was a standard bathroom, but Edward was never one for luxury.

"Alright now I'll take you to the real surprise." He grinned.

We walked up the two floors across from the stairs was a large full bath. And two double French doors. I walked inside and gasped. It looked as though two rooms had been combined into one to make up the library. It was more books than I'd ever seen in anyone's home before. It shocked me. It almost looked like a store!

Then Edward led me past a guest room to another door and opened it. The walls were light lavender except the wall with the bed was a deep dark purple. The Iron wrought frame held intricate flower designs that were breathtaking. The bedspread was light purple with a floral design in several shades of violet.

"What is this?" I asked with wonder.

"Your guest room." Edward grinned.

I frowned, "Two floors away from yours?"

"To make sure that I keep my virtue Bella." He smiled.

'Little good it'll do for me.' I grumbled in my head.

This bedroom also had an attached bath with a separate shower and tub. It was very feminine and I adored it.

"I love this Edward." I gushed.

"Thank Esme. She surprised us all." He smiled. "She knows how Charlie and Renee are. This way you have another space when you need to be away."

I pulled him to me crushing my lips against him. He deepened the kiss holding me to him. The pulling back.

"You'll be the death of me." he muttered breathlessly.

I didn't fight him this time as we left and headed the five miles down the road to Edward's parents home.

It could be considered a mansion with 7 bedrooms and 8 ½ bathrooms. But I wouldn't get into that.

We made our way through the grand foyer into the sitting room, where lovely Esme was sitting.

She looked up and her light brown eyes and met mine with an intensity I hadn't seen in a while.

"Bella! Oh, Bella! Welcome home." She screeched getting up and rushing over. I was pulled into her motherly hug as she kissed my cheeks and soothed my hair.

"I was just telling Jasper how you're the new Kindergarten teacher." She smiled warmly.

My heart began beating erratically in my chest as I turned and saw him there. Leaning against the fire mantle was Jasper Whitlock. His shoulders were broader as if he'd been working out. His honey locks were shorter than I'd remembered and his gaze was fixed intently on my face. I took a deep breath willing my racing heart to calm.

"Hi… Jasper…" I whispered and averted my gaze to Esme's, "Esme. The house… Edward showed me… I… It's beautiful." I said in broken sentences.

"Are you alright?" Edward asked perceptively.

I smiled patting his hand, "I'm fine."

"Are you sure love?" He asked raising his eyebrows.

"Yes." I said firmly pressing my lips to his effectively silence him.

"How are you Bella?" Jasper's soft voice asked.

I turned to look him in the eye, holding back everything I wanted to say, "I'm fine and yourself?"

"I've been better." He responded truthfully. His gaze looking from Edward's arms around my small frame back to my face.

I pursed my lips trying to think of something mean and spiteful to say, but I couldn't. Not in front of Esme, and especially not in front of Edward.

"So you're going to be teaching history?" I asked him.

His eyes lit up with pride and I saw a flash of something else, but it was gone before I could pin point it. "Yes, in the…" He began.

"Civil War Era?" I guessed.

"Yeah." He replied looking amused.

"I'm like an elephant… I never forget."

I watched his expression as he took in my double meaning, but the awkwardness was broken by Edward.

"Well Bells. For an Elephant who never forgets you sure forget how to walk sometimes." He laughed.

"Watch it Mister or I'll tell the story about Tequila." I threatened.

His eyes widened in horror, "You wouldn't."

"Don't. Test. Me."

We all laughed at that as Esme giggled.

"We've sure missed you Bella." She laughed.

Dinner that night was more enjoyable than I would have thought possible. It felt good to feel like a real part of someone's family. Carlisle of course had been late. Working at the hospital had it's perks and downsides like any other job.

My goal that night was to ignore Jasper at all costs. I was polite but I was never alone with him, for which I was thankful.

That dinner however was the last I'd seen Edward for longer than an hour at a time the past couple weeks. He'd fallen into his fathers footsteps at the hospital, and my first week of teaching went by without incident. I had fallen into a comfortable routine, but I was going to be spending the weekend at Edward's and I was worried about my carefully constructed composure. I wouldn't crack… I wouldn't crack…

**AN**

**Hey guys. How you liken it so far? I know it's a bit slow going and I'm sorry!! But I need to get all the info in a can! LOL. Next chpt will be Jaspers POV and it'll answer some questions. Not all of them. But some. It'll have more memories of them in the awkward years. :D Plus his POV of dinner since I didn't really do Bella's. Thanks again**

**WhitlocksAngel**


	4. Chapter 3: Memories of Us

**A/N Thanks for those of you who are reviewing. I know it hasn't got a huge response yet, but I promise things will get better. Your words of encouragement help me to write out the chapters faster. Although I reread them about 10 times to make it more readable! ;) Thanks for all those who've put me on your favorites and have the story alerted! :D You guys rock! COOKIES FOR ALL!!!**

**Chapter 3: Memories of Us**

**JPOV**

I was standing in the center of the bedroom my mother had fixed up for me. I tried to tell her the house was too much, but she cut me off by telling me it was for both of her sons. Don't get me wrong I love my younger brother, but I was in love with his girlfriend. It could only end badly for us all. It would kill him if he knew what really happened the summer after his Freshman year.

I'd always been protective of Bella. From the moment I first met her. Things shifted when I was 12. My hormones were changing me and somewhere along the line I fell in love with Bella…

_Today was my 13__th__ birthday. I didn't have very many friends and we had just had a quiet party at home. My best friend Emmett came and of course Bella was there. She was staying the night tonight. It wasn't unusual for Edward and Bella to have sleepovers. Our house was big enough and Bella had her own room when she stayed over. _

_I sat on the bed looking at the new clothes and cds that I'd received with disappointment. I'd recently begun to read several books on the Civil War. I was a sponge and I couldn't get enough. Something drew me to it. Perhaps is was my Texan roots, but I felt compelled to read as much as I could. Unfortunately Forks, didn't have the best selection and I'd already read the meager books they did have. _

_I'd told Esme what I wanted, but she didn't take me seriously._

"_What 13 year old boy wants books for his birthday?" She'd laughed at me._

_I know she hadn't meant to hurt my feelings, but I was different. Edward loved collecting cds and action figures. He relished new clothes because they made him feel important. But me, I remember what things were like when my father would beat me and my mom. I remembered feeling lucky to have what I did. I had more than enough now. The only luxury I wanted was to read as much as I could…_

_I was lost in thought when there was a soft knock on the door. I glanced at the clock, it read ten after one in the morning. Who was up this late?_

"_Come in." I called out softly._

_Then slipping quietly through my door was none other than Bella._

"_Hi." She whispered her cheeks crimson._

"_What's up?" I asked concerned._

_Her arms were behind her back and her angelic face was hidden by a curtain of dark hair. She looked up at me through her lashes and smiled softly._

"_I wanted to bring you your present. I didn't get a chance to give it to you yet." She whispered._

_I motioned her forward and patted the spot beside me on the bed. She scurried over and stood in front of me, "Close your eyes."_

"_Bella…"_

"_Please."_

_Like I could deny her even the most ridiculous request. I closed my eyes in defeat and felt the weight of the bed shift as she climbed up beside me._

"_Ok." She spoke excitedly._

_I opened my eyes and she handed me a beautifully gift wrapped box._

_I looked at her inquisitively, "What is it?" I asked in wonder. The weight of the box made little sense._

"_You'll see." She grinned proudly._

_I opened the box and gasped. Tucked inside were both Volumes of U. S. Grant's Personal Memoirs of the Civil War. I took them out carefully looking at the Leather Binding. I was shocked when I opened them to find they were first editions from 1885._

"_How?" I asked speechlessly._

"_Estate Sale when I was in Port Angela's with my mom. Got em' for 20 bucks each. But I know they're worth more being first editions. Besides I thought of you when I seen them." She responded._

_I looked up into her deep chocolate eyes with amazement. "This is… Wow. I love this Bella…" _

"_Well I know you've been reading up on the Civil War. The library here is kinda small. So from one bookworm to another." She smiled almost sadly._

_I took her hands in mine and our eyes met. It felt like electric currents were running though my body to hers. By the look on her face she felt it too._

"_You gave Edward a Tonka Truck for his birthday." I noted my eyes on hers._

"_He's easy to make happy Jasper. You're special and I know how it feels to not feel accepted by the people around you. I'll see you around." She said quickly._

_She leaned over and pressed her lips to my cheek and made a hasty retreat from my room._

I smiled to myself, my cheek burning even though it was only a memory. My memories of Bella were more powerful than anything in this world. I would have to see her later today, and I wasn't sure I could face her. Not after our breakup, even though it'd been almost 8 years since that day. Where I spoke the worst kind of blasphemy.

She was such an amazing creature and I had shattered her. I watched her go through the motions her sophomore year. Retreating more inside herself, until her and Edward started dating. I was used to seeing them together. But the kissing. Watching her kiss someone else woke up the beast inside me… I was her first kiss and should be her last…

_It was my Freshman year. It felt weird being in the high school and being unable to keep my eye on my brother and Bella. We still met up all the time. Bella was 13 and she was beginning to blossom. I watched as boys became interested in her. They were all too cowardly to approach her and she was blissfully unaware. Even Edward. He'd begun to look at her with wandering eyes and longing. _

_It was May and Edward was home sick with the flu. I had a free last period and always left school early. This particular day I decided to make my way next door to the middle school to escort Bella home. I stood outside the school waiting when I noticed her walking with her head down, tears falling from her cheeks. _

_My heart clenched painfully to her look so heartbroken. That's when I heard them._

"_Looks like you're all alone. Belllha!" One pug faced blonde was taunting._

"_Yeah. Prince Ed…ward isn't here to save you." Sang a plain brunette with blonde streaks._

"_Just leave me alone. What did I ever do to you?" She pleaded, stopping to face them._

"_Well why don't you start Lauren?" The mousy brunette asked sweetly._

"_Why Thank you Jessica." The Lauren girl curtsied, "First of Belllah, you and Edward… What's the deal with that? Like anyone could ever want you." She sneered._

"_We're just friends. He doesn't like me that way." my angel spoke softly._

"_Of course Bella. Because who would want you? You're ugly. You're stupid and look hideously fat. You're so plain and… sometimes kind of manish." Lauren irked._

"_I mean seriously. Name one guy here who finds you pretty." Jessica added._

_I watched Bella's tears coming faster. It caused me to drop my backpack and gain the attention of both bullies._

"_Look it's a high school boy!" Jessica squealed._

"_Lookie Bellahh we're gonna settle this once and for all. High School boys are serious they know who's hot and who's not. Heeey sugar could you do me a favor… Which of us three girls is prettiest?" Lauren asked as I approached._

"_Well you look like a pug faced bitch. Your friend there looks like a mousy stick, but this… This gorgeous creature you're torturing is the most beautiful angel I've ever seen." I answered with a sneer._

_Lauren and her friend looked green as I approached and Bella slowly lifted her tear drenched eyes to look at me._

_I looked over and noticed Emmett was now leaving, "Hey Em! I need your opinion of these three girls which one do you think is the most doable?" I called out._

_My friend approached scrutinizing the girls. "That one." He said pointing to Bella. "That girl is hot. The other two are dogs."_

_Then he retreated with a smirk. Bella's eyes were filled with relief, and she looked so beautiful._

_My hand reached out to caress her face and dry the moisture under her eyes, "No, need to cry Darlin'." I whispered._

_Her eyes met mine and I couldn't stop what happened next. I leaned in and my lips touched hers in the most sweet and gentle caress. My tongue lightly swiped along her bottom lip and she opened her mouth to me. She was submissive letting me roam free deepening the kiss._

_When I pulled back she was breathless and her cheeks were stained red._

"_Walk me home?" She requested._

I shook my head of that painful memory. It was the last thing I wanted to remember, but it came anyways.

_We got to her house and the Chief was gone._

"_Want to come in?" She asked softly._

"_Sure."_

_I followed her in and we went to the living room. She sat in her dads recliner folding her legs underneath herself._

_I walked over to the couch and sat down, there was a moment of awkward silence before she would meet my eyes. She looked ashamed?_

"_Thank you… For um…helping me with Lauren and Jessica… But you… I mean… You didn't have to… kiss me…" She whispered looking down._

"_I kissed you because I wanted to kiss you." I told her honestly._

_Her eyes flashed to mine with intensity and fire. "Why? I'm so… plain."_

"_You're anything but plain Isabella." I scolded. _

_Her lips twitched into a half smile, "Jasper…"_

"_You don't see yourself clearly. The only reason they pick on you is because you're so much prettier than them. They see you as competition. If you are unconfident they'll play on your weaknesses Darlin', but don't believe them. I meant every word I said."_

_Her blush was beautiful, her eyes met mine shyly, "it was my first kiss." she blurted._

_I was astonished. I'd given Bella her first kiss?_

_I got up from my seat and moved to crouch in front of her. My hands going to either side of her head. "Oh Darlin', your first kiss?" _

_She nodded as her breathing hitched, her eyes locked on my mouth._

_I moved a bit closer to her, "I'm gonna prove that first kiss meant something" I vowed._

_I let my lips crash down on hers kissing her with all the passion I'd built up over the years, she kissed me back with earnest._

"_I've wanted to do that for so long." I admitted._

"_Me too.." She blushed. "Why did you wait?"_

"_It's complicated." I hedged. It wasn't a subject that was easy for me to talk about. I moved back to the couch where I wouldn't have to see her disgust._

"_It's hard for me to get close to people Bells. My real dad… He used to beat me a lot. How could he do that to his child? I was barely three when the beatings started. I almost died once… Then my mom left. She left in the middle of the night and never came back. How can a mother do that to her son? If she really loved me she would have taken me with her. She was basically signing my death warrant… Carlisle and Esme are great parents… But it hurts to know that I wasn't wanted by my own flesh and blood…" I trailed off a sob ripping through my chest._

_Bella was at my side in an instant. She held me close to her. Soothing me._

"_I want you. I've always wanted you." She whispered over and over as a mantra…_

It was Bella who helped me overcome my biggest obstacles. She'd found my mom too. She was remarried and I had a twin half brother and sister. Alec and Jane. But I couldn't ever visit. To see my mom look at them with so much love. Love that she'd never had for me… Killed me inside.

It took a long time. Bella tried to wait for me but I kept putting it off. I didn't want to be tied down. I didn't know how to be with just one person. I was selfish and I was afraid. I didn't want to get too attached because of my inner feelings.

But then the summer before my senior year Bella and I began to see each other. I would slip into her bedroom on some nights, she would slip into mine. I was in love with her and it scared me. What if she didn't feel the same? The day I ruined everything was the day I heard Edward talking to Esme.

"_Mom… I think I'm in love with Bella." He said sadly._

"_Well hun, you should tell her." Esme said sweetly ruffling his already messy mop of hair._

"_She's still upset about James. Her and I hardly see each other anymore. She's always busy. She's my best friend mom. And I've loved her since Kindergarten. But I was so young… It's taken this… Me not getting to see her all the time… It's killing me." He choked out his voice thick with emotion._

"_Edward. Give her time. Be her best friend. She'll come around."_

_Did Bella… my Bella love Edward?_

_That seed that had been planted grew and grew until I did the one thing that killed me inside. The one thing I promised to never do…Leave her._

_We were standing outside on the trail behind my house. She was over for the weekend and I couldn't have her sneaking into my room. It would kill my brother. It would kill my mother… Esme. It would rip the family who loved me apart. I couldn't go through that again… I couldn't lose them now…_

"_Bells… We need to talk." I began shakily._

_She turned to me with an angelic smile, "What's up?"_

"_I… I… don't think I can do this anymore…"_

_She frowned, "What?"_

"_This." I replied motioning between the two of us._

_Her face fell, "Keeping us a secret?" The hopefulness of her voice nearly broke me._

"_We can't keep seeing each other." I said my mouth dry._

_I watched her face carefully went through shock, denial, acceptance… WTF?_

"_Why?"_

"_I'm going to be a senior this year Bella." I said lamely._

"_So did prom mean nothing to you?" Her question killed me. Prom… The whole summer. It was everything to me._

"_Bella. We had some fun Darlin. You're a great kisser. But… Well you know Edward likes yah… It's just not…" I was trying to find the words but she cut me off._

"_You're ashamed of me." she said, it wasn't a question._

"_Bella." I pleaded. What the hell was she talking about? How could I be ashamed of her? Of us?_

"_Answer me Jasper. Are you ashamed of me? Of us? Is that why you won't tell anyone we're dating?"_

_Her voice was angry as tears welled up behind her eyes. She was fighting. She wanted to break me. For me to give in. But I couldn't do it. My jaw was set and I spoke three words I instantly regretted._

"_We aren't dating."_

"_That changes things." she said sadly, her eyes on the ground. Her face a cool mask of indifference and acceptance._

_Things were silent for a long moment._

"_There's something I need to tell you Bella…" I began. I needed to tell her. I wanted to say. I love you Bella. You're everything to me. But if we continue this I'll lose everything. I can't lose another set of parents. I can't disappoint them… I can't lose my brother… Please don't make me… But she cut me off again._

"_You've said enough." She growled her eyes on the floor, "Goodbye Jasper."_

_She turned and ran back to the house and life as I knew it. Shattered._

I looked at the clock and noticed I should head over to Esme's. I walked into the garage and battled with myself. The Impala or Ducati? Impala.

The drive home was weird. I walked into the house and Esme flew at me.

"I'm so glad you're home honey. I've missed you." She gushed kissing my cheek enthusiastically.

"I'm glad to be home." I smiled.

"Come on we have a lot to catch up on." she smirked pulling me towards the sitting room.

"How are things? Any new girls?"

"Things are good. But no, no, mom. I'm not dating right now."

She smiled with sad eyes, "You know Bella is back in town…"

"Yes."

"Did you know she's going to be taking over for Mr. Cross as the new Kindergarten teacher?"

"No, I didn't" I smiled. Kindergarten. That suited Bella.

As I was lost in though Esme's head swung towards the entrance.

"Bella! Oh, Bella! Welcome home." She screeched getting up and disappearing.

I walked over to lean against the fireplace mantle. I needed the support.

"I was just telling Jasper how you're the new Kindergarten teacher." She gushed entering the room pulling Bella gently..

I looked her over closely. She was more tan than I remembered and she looked happy. Until her eyes swung over to me. I watched her face as she took me in. Shock, Awe, Desire, Anger. Several emotions flicked across her face as she looked up meeting my gaze.

"Hi… Jasper…" she whispered and averted her gaze to Esme's, "Esme. The house… Edward showed me… I… It's beautiful." She stuttered attempting to change the subject.

"Are you alright?" Edward asked perceptively.

She smiled patting his hand, "I'm fine."

"Are you sure love?" He asked raising his eyebrows.

"Yes." she replied exasperated and pressed her lips to his. Obviously to silence him and it was a knife twisting my heart.

"How are you Bella?" I asked softly.

"I'm fine and yourself?" She replied with fire behind her eyes. She was holding back.

"I've been better." I responded truthfully. I looked at Edward's arms around her and felt a wave of jealousy, but remembered it was my own fault and looked back up to her face.

Her lips were pursed, she looked ready to speak her mind but shrugged thinking better of it.

"So you're going to be teaching history?" she asked conversationally.

"Yes in the…" I began my eyes lighting up with pride and love, which I quickly squelched.

"Civil War Era?" she guessed.

"Yeah." I smiled amused, If only you were in my thoughts today…

"I'm like an elephant… I never forget." she smiled but there was something behind the smile.

She was remembering like me. The fateful birthday… But the look in her eyes told me I wasn't forgiven nor had she forgotten our break up. It was yet another stab in the heart. Then with superb timing Edward broke the awkward silence.

"Well Bells. For an Elephant who never forgets you sure forget how to walk sometimes." He laughed.

"Watch it Mister or I'll tell the story about Tequila." she threatened, eyes alight with mischief.

His eyes widened in horror, "You wouldn't."

"Don't. Test. Me."

We all laughed at that, even to my surprise Esme.

"We've sure missed you Bella." She laughed.

Then it was time for dinner…

Carlisle walked in just as Esme had brought out all of the food.

"Jasper, son." He clasped me on the back with a broad smile, "I'm glad you're home son."

"Thanks Dad." I grinned.

He sat at the head of the table and I sat to his left Edward to his right. Esme sat at the other end and Bella sat to the left of Edward and right of Esme.

I kept looking up and stealing glances at her.

"So Bella. Are you happy to be home?" Carlisle asked between bites.

"Yes and no." She replied with a smile.

"Why yes and no?" I asked.

She gave me a look but then smiled lovingly at Edward. "I liked it best when it was just Edward and I."

Edward turned smiling at her, "I love you too." He chuckled.

"I hope you're using birth control." Carlisle muttered.

"We haven't had sex." Bella answered him bluntly. Though the look in her eyes broke my heart.

"We're waiting for when the time is right… If we get married." Edward said with pride.

However surprised Carlisle looked Esme beamed, "Do you think there will be a wedding in the near future?" She asked with excitement.

My mouth went dry.

"It's something we've talk about." Bella smiled in return but it didn't touch her eyes.

"She thinks we're too young." Edward revealed.

Bella's chocolate orbs met mine, and I could see the truth in them. She wasn't over me…

The rest of dinner went by in a blur. I couldn't keep my eyes of Bella. Analyzing all of her expressions. Searching for something. But she ignored me…

The next couple weeks passed by slowly for me as I settled into a routine. High School kids were less than impressed with my lesson plan. Although there were several girls who were flirtatious. While I was flattered it bothered me. The weekend was approaching and Carlisle would be taking Edward to Seattle for some extra training.

Bella had stayed over a few times but I'd never gotten a chance to talk to her. I needed to. This weekend would be perfect. She'd be staying over and I would finally have my opportunity.

**AN**

**What do you guys think? How do you think I'm doing? I know I answered some questions with this chapter. I'm sad that I haven't gotten the best response with this story. But yah know. It happens. :D Well anyways. Let me know. :D **

**Next will be some awkwardness between Bells and Jazz while Edward is out of town… Lets see what happens!!!**

**WhitlocksAngelGirl**


	5. Chapter 4: Reasons Why

Disclaimer: SM owns all. Which makes my heart incredibly sad.

AN

**Sorry it's taken so long but certain circumstances held me at bay, now I am back with a vengeance and I intend on keeping regular updates. :D**

Chapter 4: Reasons Why

I stood in my bedroom holding an overnight bagI knew I didn't need. The laptop bag with all my supplies to figure out a lesson plan for Monday. I sighed deeply, Friday. I loved Fridays. I loved my new job, and I loved the students, but I loved being in the solace of home. It would be better because it would be a weekend with Edward. A much needed vacation away from Charlie and Renee.

"He's here." My mom said softly poking her head in the room.

I stifled a chuckle at how she seemed to read my mind. "Alright, send him in."

I walked to my bathroom contemplating packing a bathroom bag. When I felt his warm arms encircle my waist pulling me to his warm chest. His sweet breath blew across the top of my head, as his lips kissed me gently.

"Hey baby."

I turned and pressed a chaste kiss to his chest, "Hey."

There were no, words to be said we were in a comfortable silence as we carried out the bags to his car. Charlie and Renee stood on the porch smiling. The look in Charlie's eye made me curious but I didn't think about it, I just went with it.

"Love you guys!" I called standing at the open passenger Volvo door.

"Love you too Kiddo." Charlie called.

"Be careful." Renee sniffled.

Once on the road I let out a breath I didn't realize I had been holding. "So what are our plans Mr. Cullen." I asked in a mock British accent.

He smiled at me but it didn't reach his eyes, "Well we'll talk about it when we get there."

The rest of the ride was silent. We pulled up to the large home and he carried my things upstairs. Once in the room I flung myself into the foamy mattress relishing in it's absolute softness. "Your mom rocks!" I mumbled into the foam.

"Bells, we don't have much time." Edward stated urgently.

I sat up looking at him quizzically, and he continued. "I mean… Okay. I'm going to Seattle with my father this weekend."

The bomb was dropped and I stare at him dumbly, "What do you mean?"

"I wanted you to be able to have a quiet weekend…" He admitted sheepishly.

I felt the frown deepen on my face, "I would rather stay at Charlie and Renee's if you're not going to be here." I told him honestly.

"I know Bells. But if we're serious in considering marriage… Jasper and you used to be such close friends. You both understood the nerdy-ness you seem to share. Please Bella. Please for me just try…"

Although my heart was torn, I knew I couldn't hide from Jasper forever. It would be better to set boundaries with Edward not there anyways.

"Ok." I relented pouting.

Edward leaned forward and kissed me gently, "I'll be home Sunday evening. And we'll cuddle." His words were full of promise and I hated him for it.

I watched through the bedroom window as he left the house and climbed into Carlisle's waiting Mercedes. I turned slowly looking at the clock on the wall. It was barely after 3 and the house seemed so empty and quiet. Even a bit dark, which was unsettling to me. I sighed heavily and began making it a task to unpack my belongings. I wasn't surprised to see that the closet and dresser were already packed with new clothes. It was the Cullen way, I should have known better.

I picked out a pair of comfortable grey sweats and a pink baby Tee and made my way to the in suite bathroom. I set my clothes on the long counter top and undressed. The cool air hitting my warm body felt freeing. I walked to the small closet and smiled at how it was stocked. I pulled out a fluffy pink towel and my favorite strawberry shampoo and conditioner. Along with the lilac body wash I was so fond of.

The hot spray loosened my tense muscles from a long week. Easing the tension from me as the steam fogged the glass. The shower was as refreshing as I had hoped. I stepped out wrapping my body in the plush towel and hummed in appreciation. Money could buy the finest things, and these towels were heavenly. I dressed quickly and returned to my room dressing in more comfortable clothes. I sat unceremoniously on the bed and began to run a comb through my thick mahogany locks.

A weekend with Jasper, the man who still held my shattered heart in his hands. The brother of the man I had committed the past eight years of my life for. My musings were interrupted by the growling in the pit of my stomach and I glanced at the clock.

**4:30 **

I placed my brush on the dresser and headed down the stairs to the kitchen. I walked over to the refrigerator and began to rummage inside. Before I knew it I had all the ingredients I needed.

Chicken Broth

Flour

Salt

Pepper

Minced Garlic

1lb of Chicken

1 can Cream of chicken soup

1 can of Peas

1 can of Carrots

Before I knew it I had a simmering pot of homemade chicken and dumplings prepared. I paused with to rub the flour off of my cheek and entered the half bath to freshen up. I splashed my face with cool water and contemplated checking to see if both Jasper's cars were home. I lost my nerve and returned to the kitchen turning the range off. The smell was good and it dawned on me it was a recipie I hadn't made in a long time. Jasper's favorite.

Before I could ponder my apparent Freudian slip the door that entered the garage door closed loudly. I could hear his footsteps as he walked down the hall and rounded the small corner. He stood there looking better than ever and I found it hard to meet his intense gaze.

"Hello Bella." He greeted cautiously.

"Hello." I mumbled turning back to the stove to stir the contents of the now cooling pot.

"Bella?" He questioned, I could hear the concern in his comforting southern drawl.

I turned slowly and let out a breath I didn't know I was holding, "Edward is right. If him and I…plan on… Well… We'll need to talk." I finished lamely.

Jasper's posture stiffened as his face became an impassive mask. We stood there for minutes of tense silence before his shoulders slumped forward in defeat. "Lets talk."

"Set the table, I made dinner." I told him offhandedly.

If we were going to be having this talk I wasn't doing it on an empty stomach. I needed my strength. I'm not the same fragile girl he left. I need to be strong… Jasper moved to the cabinets and grabbed two bowls and two spoons and headed to the table. He sat down and I brought the pot of food to sit in the middle of the table. His demeanor changed as soon as I began spooning his serving.

"this looks great." He whispered his eyes glassy.

The look on his face made my heart clench painfully in my chest. I had difficulty attempting to speak with the newly formed lump in my throat. Instead I nodded and we began to eat in awkward silence. After a few minutes I decided I needed to take control, I was a strong and independent woman.

"I'm willing to try." I managed to choke.

He arched his perfect brow questioningly, "Try?" He repeated.

I took a deep breath and sighed, "Yes. I willing to try to be your friend. We need to… I can do that for Edward." I told him making sure I met his gaze.

His gaze softened as he inspected my face, the scrutiny as his eyes traveled my face intensified the need to flee. The tension was thick and my heart felt as though it was breaking all over again. The honey locks surrounding his angelic face, a face that frequented my dreams.

"I lied to you, Bella." He said so softly I almost didn't hear him.

I paused completely taken aback trying to decipher what he meant, "What?"

"I was never ashamed of you… Of us… I overheard Edward and Esme talking about you. Edward was convinced he was in love with you and Esme wanted him to go for it… I thought… If they… If they knew… I would lose everything. I would lose another family and I couldn't do that Bella. I needed them." He explained his piercing blue eyes begging me to understand.

My mouth went dry and my palms began to sweat as I realized what this meant. "You thought they would send you away for loving me?" I asked him incredulously.

He nodded sheepishly, but his expression never changed. He was watching me so intently it was almost uncomfortable.

My thoughts turned to the past and I closed my eyes remembering.

_After I turned from Jasper the tears began to stream down my face in a torrential downpour that would make the city of Forks proud. I ran to the house and upstairs to Edward's room. I knocked twice and let myself into his room._

"_Bella? Whats wrong?" His voice was so comforting I fell apart._

"_I had a boyfriend this summer Edward. That's why I was so busy. I'm so.. So.. Sorry." I sobbed._

_He pulled me to his chest and held me tightly, "Did he hurt you?"_

_I pulled back and Edward wiped my tears away carefully. "He said he loved me. I was so stupid. I told him I loved him too… And then… And then… I gave him everything." I cried pitifully, "I don't… I didn't think… Now he doesn't want me. He's going to be a senior this year… And… And… He doesn't want me. It was all a lie, and I can't… I don't…" I blubbered._

_His hands were rubbing reassuring circles into the small of my back helping me breathe easier._

_"Do you want to ask Jasper for help?"_

"_NO! I just need my best friend Edward." I mumbled into his chest._

"_I'm here, love."_

_My heart was stuttering in my chest and I timidly looked into his shining emerald eyes, "Can I stay in here with you tonight?"_

"_Yes…"_

It was the beginning of a long journey of forgiveness and trust. The beginning of my healing. I was beyond shattered and after that day I don't remember the following six months. All I remember was that a small part of my heart accepted Edward and each year it grew a little. But try as I might I couldn't give him the biggest piece that still belongs to someone else. Now Jasper is sitting here telling me that he lied? I went through all that pain and suffering for nothing? What does that even supposed to mean? Anger welled from inside me and I screamed at him.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST **TALK** TO ME? That was **MY** choice to make. Not yours! Not Edwards! MINE. I loved **YOU** Jazz… You took my choice away."

The anger transformed into a gaping hole in my chest. My arms encircled myself holding myself together. It was a pain I had long since buried.

"I could leave." Jasper suggested sadly, "Give you and Ed a fair chance."

I fixed a hard glare at him, "Edward fixed me, my best friend put me together again when I thought I was broken beyond repair. I've… I fell in love with him. You'll always be the one Jasper. I can't seem to give that part of my heart away, because you have it… Don't leave, that'll make things worse…" My voice cracked the tears streaming down my face, making me feel like a little girl.

"I never stopped loving you Jasper… But I'm with Edward. You leaving would kill him. He's missed you, and I can't shoulder that kind of guilt."

"If you still love me, then you could marry me." His eyes were filled with hope and passion.

I laughed humorlessly, "Really? I can't."

"But…"

"No, you made your bed Jasper. I made a commitment to Edward, I've been hurt before. I. Will. Not. Hurt. Him." I told him slowly.

"Bella?" He pleaded brokenly.

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

No longer feeling hungry I stood up and raced to my room taking the stairs two at a time. I needed to get away from him.

'_You promised to never cry over him again.' _ my inner voice chastised me.

I flung myself onto the bed burring my head in the pillows and crying as once again I was being torn apart…

**JPOV**

I watched her run from me the sense of déjà vu strong. I hated that I was capable of doing this to her. It would be better if I left, but I couldn't. Not when the woman I was in love with was talking about plans of marrying my brother.

I looked at the dirty kitchen and sighed.

I stood in the kitchen and cleaned until it was shiny and new looking. I retired to my bedroom and lay on the bed with my hands above my head. When my cell rang.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Jasper!" My brothers cheerful voice brought me from my thoughts.

"What's up?" I asked trying to sound casual.

"well I told Bella I wouldn't be home until Sunday night but I'll be home much earlier than that. I talked to Rosalie and Bella's friend from Seattle Alice and they're going to come over and help decorate the house… I need to get Bella out of the house at 10, and bring her home by noon." His tone breathless.

"Why?" I asked curiously.

"Can you please Jazz." My brother pleaded.

I sighed grudgingly, "Sure."

After the phone call I was depressed. I would have to find a way to get Bella out of the house with me and do it for Edward. I frowned and decided to call my mom.

"Hello?" she answered pleasantly.

"Hi mom."

"Oh Jasper, how are things at the house. How is Bella liking it."

"She loves it, she even made dinner." I forced my voice to sound happy.

"Great!"

"I was calling to ask you a favor." I began hesitantly.

"Sure."

"Edward wants me to help him, by getting Bella out of the house…"

"OH! Come over here for breakfast and that way you'll be out of his hair." She chuckled.

"Thanks mom."

"Love you Jazz."

"Love you too mom."

With that burden lifted from my shoulders I decided to take a scalding hot shower. Everything was tense and I was in agony knowing Bella was above me crying her eyes out. It wasn't fair for me to put that on her. She was willing to try, and I ruined everything. I hadn't meant to make her feel so guilty.

After the hot shower I dressed in a pair of comfy boxers and fell across my bed lifting the latest civil war era book and began to read…

**A/N**

**Okay… so I know a lot of people don't condone cheating and I'm one of those people. But in order for this story to work it's going to happen. Next chapter will contain a very long lemon. And I hope it makes up for being gone so long. Thanks you Guys. :D**


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